Seeking Synthesis

A complex whole formed by combining: Synthesis.

This has been the defining factor thus far in my daily existence. A synthesis. An avidity to relate to all subjects, circumstances, objects, etc. It has left an impressionable marking along my path. These markings serve as relics to my journey. They are reminiscant of where I have been and they advise me to never forget where I am from. With this bestowed upon me, I am given the oppourtuity to find balance. A balance between this world, your world and my world. So I searched. I sought after a beauty they told me didn't exist. I unveiled a melody instead. It sang to me the way Billie Holiday did the mic. I prowled after a truth they told me was deceit. I uncovered an absolute reality burrowed in the depths of despair. I longed for someone to interpret life's lessons. An acceptance in defeat was erected before me. I"ve recognized that things are never what they seem. So I stopped listening for a sound and instead gave ears to the symphony.

The complexities of human life are self perpetuated. Its truth is tainted by those who cannot comprehend and will not surrender. They resist. People believe in their self written novels. They believe that their life is an obligation. What most fail to realize is that life was written before existence was even a word, before a soul could even inhabit a body. A quest for the answer has plagued them and they are in turn imprisoned by the unknown. Fears, self doubt, anxiety, insecurity are all bi products of this resistance. They are visionless to the fact that their own life is not about them. It is about others. It is about what they do in their blessing of this lifetime that will affect all of humanity. They get caught up in what's been fed to them, forgetting the truth that resides in their own hearts. They believe that beauty exists on television, that knowledge is defined in reports, that happiness can only be found through monetary gains and that power is the ultimate success in life. Ironically, it is when all these momentary moments of "success" are accomplised, that they feel empty. Most will continue to attain more in an attempt to fill this void, while others remain complacent. There will be very few that will tap into their ability to see. To see beyond the normalcies of life, beyond a beautiful face and a distracting body. To see beyond the material world and even beyond themselves.

I was sitting in a park one day and I was staring at a homeless man with his companion (or so I assume she was his companion). They were sitting on a cold cement wall reading a newspaper. I remember thinking "Do they know how to read?". I caught myself being victimized by a stereotype that has been fed to me by some tv show, or something I read. Regardless of where this thought was derived, it was not my own thought. It was a judgement, a bi product of my own insecurity within myself. It was not my hearts truth. People say that we are "human", and it is "human" to have these thoughts. Why don't people say "That's not nice" or "You shouldn't think that". I believe that by making excuses for our actions or our thoughts, we become less human. So I forced myslef to see beyond my own thoughts, my own vision. I let my eyes go out of focus while I was watching them. They became 2 blurred visions blended into a landscape that I could not see anymore. I suddenly had no thoughts, no judgements and no visual comprehension. They became a reality to me and I was simply existing in their moment, a moment I was not even invited to. I remember the whole time I watched them, they did not once ever glance in my direction. I thought to myself, why am I so interested in their interaction? I've concluded that they were being a moment, a moment I wanted to be. A moment in space and time where nothing mattered, not even the girl sitting on the bench staring at them. They existed together, on a cold cement wall reading a newspaper that they might not have even been reading. The fact was that they were free....Free of this world, if only for a moment.

The complexities of my life, your life and their life have fully contributed to my ability to see past what I once considered impossible. I want to be able to see you as a blur, I want you to be able to see me as a blur. All in hopes that we may never be restricted by the disorderly conduct of this world. I want to be the complex whole formed by combining.